Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Cyber Safety: Protecting Yourself on the Net & Off (When Dating)

One of the most popular reasons people use the Internet is for Internet dating. The gay community has many different sites they can use to find the man of their dreams. Unfortunately, Internet dating has inspired another group of individuals to search the profiles on Internet dating sites across the web. These are the sexual deviants and murderers. 

The most dangerous individuals in the world now have an outlet they can use to prey on the weak, ignorant, and unaware individuals who believe Internet dating is safe. Not every person you will meet online is crazy. Regretfully, though, you'll never truly know if someone is crazy - or not - until you find out through a mutual acquaintance, or you meet them in person. 

In the earliest days of the Internet, and even today, people have been way too trusting when meeting others offline. They stayed at their houses. They didn't give family, or friends, contact information. They didn't even have any idea where they were when visiting. All these things lead them down a path to become easy prey to those 'predators' more powerful than they were.

Now is the time to fight back. It is the time to take control of your life as you weed out the losers to find the true winners on Internet dating sites. Don't let the losers, who are only out to hurt you, win. Finding the perfect man will certainly make up for having to deal with any of these losers, anyway. Right? So, here are some reminders of things you need to know in order to remain safe while dating online - or in person. 

#1 - Never give out Personal Information  

Never give out your full name, phone number, and address to someone you just met. Even if you believe you want to start dating you should still use caution when giving out this information. If you have a cell phone you may want to give this out instead of a home phone line, which is more easily traced. But you should never give out your address too soon. It's better to meet in a mutually agreed place that is in public. Later, after you become to know and trust the other person, you may give out your address to arrange a visit, or a dinner at your place. Additionally, this protects them as well. They will be able to inform their own relatives where they will be. 

#2 - Never Give out Username/Password information  

 If your new girlfriend wants your username and password then you might want to question her motivations for wanting such information. If she is persistent, and cannot take no for an answer, you may have to reconsider your relationship. If she gets a hold of this information she may find out other information through your email, or credit card bill. A common thing people do is to use the same username/password for every site they go to. Additionally, many sites will send you your username/password to your email address, if you request a 'lost password retrieval'. So, basically, if someone has access to even one of your accounts, then they may, too, have access to all of your other online accounts.

#3 - Report Stalking 

If you meet someone online and they soon become a stalker you can report this to both online organizations that work with the police force and the police in your state. Depending on where you are, the stalking laws for offline stalking usually apply to online stalking, as well. Do not be afraid to report the stalker! If they persist in stalking you they can lose their phone line, or Ethernet connection if their ISP is notified and their stalking activity can be verified. Usually it can as ISP's usually log the activity of each user. 

#4 - Set up a System with Family/Friends 

Whether you are meeting him or he is meeting you, does not matter. You should both inform family and/or friends of the upcoming rendezvous. Your friend should know when the meeting is occurring, where the meeting will take place, and they should check in with your cell phone or line at home throughout the evening. If you are not responding to their calls they will know something is wrong and can promptly inform the authorities of suspicious activity. 

If you are flying, taking the bus, or driving to meet him (or he is you) a friend or family member needs information on the hotel where you are staying (never stay at their home the first time you meet… there is too much of a risk of danger). This includes the address of the hotel, and the address and phone number of the person you are meeting. Make sure you call your friends, or family members, to let them know you arrived safely and what the number of the hotel is. You can never be too safe when meeting someone off the Internet. 

#5 - Setup a Meeting in a Public Place 

Finally, when you are meeting make sure to meet in a public place for the first time. A restaurant, club, or even malls are always good places to meet if you'd like to be surrounded by a lot of people when you meet. Never meet in the house of the person you are meeting from the Internet. Also, never meet in an abandoned warehouse, alley, a deserted street, or in the middle of nowhere/in the country. This is just asking for trouble and setting yourself up for pain and suffering you never want to imagine experiencing.  

#6 - Know the Address by Heart  

If you happen to end up at the house of the person you are meeting make sure you get a good look at the street address and house number before even entering the house. You'll never know when things might start to go in the wrong direction. By knowing the address you will be able to relate it to the authorities should you need to call for help. Unfortunately, those new to a strange city rarely are familiar with neighborhoods, let alone streets and addresses. So, please make sure you are aware of your surroundings, so that you have at least that one advantage in effect in the event the worst does occur. 

We certainly don't mean to scare you away from pursuing your dream man via the Internet! We just want you to remain cautious. In the end, it is best to be careful but remain optimistic in your quest to find Internet love. You might just find that special man you've been waiting for all your life.


How Far Into Your Gay or Lesbian Relationship Should You Discuss Your Future Life Together?

Falling in love can be one of the most wonderful feelings. However, falling in love with someone who does not want the same things in their future as you do in yours can be devastating. If you want children and they don't, would you be happy living for years without children, or would you grow to resent the fact that you never experienced the joys of parenting? If you don't want children and your partner does, can you honestly say you'd be comfortable denying them such happiness when they aren't denying yours? 

There are other things that should be discussed, such as monogamy and where you both see yourself in the future (i.e. business oriented or still partying the way you used to when in your college/teen years). A seriously motivated individual will not be satisfied with a partner that is a slacker, even if they have other overly-appealing attributes. 

Regardless, the future should be discussed at some point in your relationship. Until it is discussed, you should still discuss yourselves and your own personal interests. If you believe you have a lot in common, or even if you don't have that much in common at all (but still seem to work well together), then you should definitely move on to discussing your future goals.

For some, discussing the future might be a top priority. If things are going okay then you can discuss the future in a more casual 'me' manner, such as "what I want for the future" as opposed to "where I see myself with you in the future". (However, the 'we two' aspect should definitely be discussed after you've been dating for some time.) If you two don't mesh on future idealisms the date may sour, but at least you aren't wasting your time with someone that doesn't have the same future goals as you do.  

Depending on how fast the dating progresses you may want to talk to your 'potential' partner about future plans 'together' - anywhere from two months to six months into the relationship. Some relationships move more rapidly, but you shouldn't try to push it too fast or find yourself at the 'love-and-devotion' part within just one month - even if you do feel they are perfect in nearly every way

   Discussing the future in a 'general' way should prepare you for discussing the future in a 'serious-together-forever' way. You should expect to already know whether he or she wants kids, or not, or whether they're looking to eventually settle down with one person. If nothing else, you should be able to work out a compromise. However, do not kid yourself... if it is meant to work it will, if not it won't. There is nothing you can do to make it work if it isn't meant to be! You shouldn't feel like you have to lie to them (or to yourself) just to 'settle down' and 'be in a relationship' if you aren't going to be happy overall. 

 Within the first three dates you should mention the future in a generic kind of way. You should discuss how you want to live your life, and what your hopes and dreams are for your future. These are important things they need to know about you. It can take a second to fall in love, but forever to fall out of love. Staying in love takes hard work and you need to really 'click' to make it work. or find yourself forever heartbroken over the loss of this love. So, if you think you could love them, and they're definitely your image of your ideal partner, don't be shy about learning each other's future goals and dreams - and hopes

  So, go out on a limb here and bring up the future! They may be wondering what your interests are, too, and will probably want to discuss their future 'ideas' with you, as well. It can be awkward to approach the future - especially if you've just met - but with the right method you can make the entire experience go smoothly and in a non-threatening way for the both of you.

Try using these methods:

  • Mention you love spending time with your nieces & nephews. You love children and want to have some of your own one day
  • Talk about your job. Discuss your goals based on where you are. If you aren't happy with your job then discuss where you wish you could be
  •  If you're in college discuss your career plans. Show your enthusiasm for your chosen profession. If they seem interested maybe throw in your credentials casually so they can see how motivated you are
  • If you like to party and want a partner that parties all the time bring up some of your best clubbing stories. If they are into the scene, too, then they'll most likely laugh and throw in some of their own stories
  • Talk about travel. Would you ever want to live in another area? If so bring it up - and, better yet, what do they think of this area? 
  • Depending on whether he or she is monogamous, or polygamous, talk about your "friend" who was crushed when they found out their partner wanted a polygamous relationship. Express your views on the subject in relation to your friend's situation as opposed to asking your partner his or her views specifically 


Sunday, January 24, 2010

Nelly Furtado Bisexual Singer

Nelly Furtado Comes Out:

Canadian singer Nelly Furtado came out as bisexual in an interview with GUS magazine. Although she did not admit to having a relationship with a woman, she did say she was attracted to them. "Women are beautiful and sexy," she said.

Nelly Furtado Wants Her Own Gay Pride Float:

According to, Nelly Furtado said, "My dream is to have my own float. I’d have remixes of my songs. We’d all be drinking and dancing, just having a good time. We’d have lounge chairs and a little kiddy pool and we could all dance around and throw champagne on each other."

Nelly Says: All People are Bisexual:

 Does Nelly's claim of bisexuality hold much weight when she says all people are bisexual? Nelly Furtado said she was reading a book about Chinese medicine that claims all people are inherently bisexual to balance their energies. She said, "That makes so much sense. As humas we have both male and female energies."

Nelly Furtado is Promiscuous:

Or at least her single "Promiscuous" became an instant hit in June 2006, reaching number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. Her latest album Loose has more of a hip-hop sound than her previous recordings and she hopes that doesn't turn off her gay and lesbian fans. She admits there is a lot of homophobia in the hip-hop community, but she says, “I think it’s changing. And there’s a lot of hip-hop out there that is very cool and not homophobic at all."

Canadian Nelly Furtado:

Nelly Furtado was born in British Columbia, Canada. She is of Portuguese descent. She grew up surrounded by music and by age four was singing in Portuguese and English. As a teen her influences were early hip-hop artists like TLC, Salt-N-Pepa, Bel Biv Devoe and Mariah Carey. As she grew older she also came to like rock groups such as U2, Radiohead and Oasis.

Whoa Nelly!:

Nelly was discovered at a Toronto talent show. Nelly Furtado burst onto the scene in 2000 with her debut album, Whoa Nelly! Whoa Nelly turned out hits "I'm Like a Bird," "Turn Off The Light" and "On the Radio." She toured with Lilith Faire and was nominated for a Grammy for "I'm Like a Bird" in 2001.

Friday, January 8, 2010

New year's Resolutions

Make a new year's resolution you plan to keep this year. What are the top resolutions for lesbians? Here are some ideas for lesbian new year's resolutions

1. Stop Smoking

Gays and lesbians smoke more than the population in general. According to a recent study 36% of gays and lesbians smoke, compared to 25% of the general population. It's no secret that smoking contributes to cancer, heart disease and other illnesses. Quitting smoking is hard, but it's probably the single most important thing you can do for your health

2. Come Out!

Resolve to come out to someone new in 2007. The more we come out, the better our self esteem. You'll be amazed at how much freer you feel when you don't have to hide or cover up any more.

3. Meet Someone/Find a Girlfriend

For single gals, meeting someone special can be a good resolution. Make a list of all the qualities you want in a potential partner, post it somewhere you can refer to it often and get out there and start dating. Don't settle for the first woman who woos you, unless of course, she has everything on your list and more!

4. Join the Fight for Lesbian/Women's Rights

What's the big issue where you live? Is your state battling for gay marriage? Are they trying to pass legislation to forbid discrimination based on sexual orientation in the workplace? Perhaps you want to start a gay employees group at your job, or join the one that already exists. Working towards a common cause will not only help move things in a positive direction for our community, it will make you feel better about yourself.

5. Nuture Your Relationships with Friends and Lovers

Let's face it, without friends, our lives would be pretty miserable. Why not resolve to spend more time with our friends and lovers this year? Do good deeds for them, help them move, listen when they are experiencing heart ache or just call them up to see how they're doing. Everyone has flaws, try and see beyond theirs and focus on the good qualities that you love about them.

6. Volunteer

It may be cliché but it's true. Volunteering our time makes us feel better about ourselves. Look into mentoring a lesbian teen, helping a lesbian with cancer or walking dogs at the local animal shelter.

7. Set a Goal - Make it Positive

If you want change in your life, you have to visualize it before it can happen. I'm a firm believer in setting positive goals and taking small steps to make them come true. If you hate your job, don't just complain about it. Think about what your ideal job would be and picture yourself doing it. Imagine how much money you'll make, how you'll feel in a better job and how you'll look doing it. Make a collage or draw a picture and post it somewhere you can refer to it often. Meditate on it or say affirmations. What ever the goal is: relationship, financial, school - visualizing them helps them come true.

8. Pursue a Passion

Have you always wanted to play the violin? Look into taking lessons. Love to sing? Join a community choir. Dreamed of being an Olympic athlete? Join the women's recreational basketball league. Whatever your passion, don't let it die. Nurture it. Resolve to do at least one thing that is purely for you and purely for joy.

9. Save Money/Put a Curb on Spending

If you're like most Americans, you have debt. Credit card debt is the worst. Resolve this year to stop buying things you don't need and to whittle away at that credit card debt.

10. Exercise/Eat Right

Staying healthy at any age begins with eating a balanced diet, maintaining proper weight, and a regular physical fitness. Lesbians have a higher rate of obesity than the national average. According to the National Women's Health Information Center, lesbians have a higher body mass than heterosexual women. This places them at higher risk for heart disease and other obesity-related issues such as premature death. Additionally, some suggest that lesbians are less concerned about weight issues than heterosexual women. Make a resolution for your health and start a diet or exercise program that you can stick with.