Best 10 Gay/lesbian Vacation Spots ♥

Berlin, Germany

The Gay Scene in Berlin is as diverse as the city´s districts. In most parts of Berlin gay people are as accepted as anyone else. In the main districts, Kreuzberg, Schöneberg, Mitte, Friedrichshain & Prenzlauer Berg, same sex couples can be seen, like any other couples, kissing and holding hands. Because of this acceptability, the gay scene is not limited to gay venues. Gay social life is one of the many threads which make Berlin and add to its amazing ... 

Barcelona, Spain

 

For gay travellers who don't want to just pose at the beach day after day Barcelona had been one of the favourite destinations in Europe for the last 15 years. The city has this perfect combination of a warm Mediterranean climate, beaches within and close to the city, mountains in the hinterland and the culture, nightlife, sights and infrastructure of an European metropolis. Among the things that make Barcelona unique are the many fine examples of Catalan Art Nouveau ... 

San Francisco, CA

 

San Francisco has a special place in the hearts of gay and lesbian travelers. It's not only because of the history of fighting for LGBT equality. San Francisco is a place where world-class attractions, amazing restaurants, diverse neighborhoods and breathtaking views are around every gay-friendly corner

more on onlyinsanfrancisco.com

 

London, England

 

London is widely recognised as one of the gay capitals of the world and is home to the largest gay and lesbian community in Europe.

With the annual London Pride Festival, London's Gay and Lesbian Film Festival, and arguably the most eye-opening gay club nights you'll find in the world, there's something to keep you entertained all year round. 

more on visitlondon.com

 

Russian River, CA

The Russian River is the West Coast's favorite LGBT playground. This string of offbeat river villages attracts thousands of LGBT visitors every year for a wide range of activities and fun. Whether visiting for a weekend, a week or longer, you won't find any other getaway that matches the Russian River's unique and spectacular natural beauty, combined with friendly businesses and residents who genuinely appreciate diversity. The Russian River Resort Area or the lower Russian River is ... more on gayrussianriver.com

Fire Island, NY

 

Fire Island is a unique summer getaway with beautiful beaches, amazing nightlife, and a diverse community. The community of the Pines tends to be mostly male, although some lesbian couples and plenty of non-gay residents & visitors enjoy it as well. The community of Cherry Grove tends to attract more lesbians. Fire Island is a barrier island on the southern side of Long Island. This truly unique place is accessible only by ferry and provides a tranquil, serene atmosphere with no ... 

more on thepinesfireisland.com

 

Montreal, Quebec

Montreal is renowned worldwide for being a gay-friendly place, with a vibrant cultural scene, scintillating nightlife and beautiful people. The predominately gay "Village" neighborhood is a thriving part of town, replete with restaurants, bars, boutiques and cafés. Today, queer establishments and events are sprinkled throughout the city, from the university clusters in the west of downtown to the underground dyke nightlife in Mile End to the charming cafés of Verdun. more on go-montreal.com

 

Mykonos, Greece

 

 

Mykonos is a Greek island and a major tourist destination, renowned for its cosmopolitan character and its intense nightlife. The nightlife of Mykonos is marketed as among the best in Europe. Mykonos also attracts famous DJs to its clubs and beach bars, amongst which are Paradise, Super Paradise and Paranga. In addition, Mykonos is a gay-friendly resort area during the summer, featuring several gay clubs. Mykonos nightlife focuses mainly on bars rather than clubs, yet a number of notable clubs 

more on orbitz.com

 

Sydney for Gay Mardi Gras (February)

The Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras is an annual gay pride parade and festival for the LGBT community in Sydney, Australia, and is the largest such event in the world. The parade, while featuring many in the gay community with a penchant for exotic costumes and dance music, has always retained a political edge, with often witty visual commentary on their political opponents featuring in the floats. As homosexuality became more and more accepted in the wider community, more gay ... more on mardigras.org.au

Gay Ski Week, Whistler, Canada (February)

It's a happy fact that western Canada's coolest gay ski town, Whistler, is also one of North America's best gay winter hideaways, a modern and stylish community rife with gay-friendly hotels, boutiques, and restaurants. In fact, there's as much to do here for non-skiers as for fans of boarding and skiing. Whistler, which will be hosting most of the alpine competitions during the 2010 Olympics, lies about 80 miles north of Vancouver, and 220 miles north ... more on gaywhistler.com

 

 

Safety in Relationships: A Guide for Teens

During your teen years, you will have relationships with a lot of people. These relationships will probably include friendships and dating relationships. Most of the time, these relationships are fun, exciting, and healthy, and they make us feel good about ourselves. Sometimes, however, these relationships can be unhealthy and can be harmful to you or other people involved. Unhealthy relationships can be risky because someone can get hurt physically or emotionally. This information guide was created to help you to understand the signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship and to learn ways to change a bad situation.

What is a healthy relationship?

In healthy relationships, you and your friend or the person you are dating feel good about each other and yourselves. You do activities together, like going to movies or out with other friends, and you talk to one another about how you are feeling about each other. These relationships can last a few weeks, a few months, or even many years. Healthy relationships are fun for both people!

In healthy relationships, there is respect and honesty between both people. This means that you listen to each other's thoughts and opinions and accept each other's right to say no or to change your mind without giving each other a hard time. Communication is also important in healthy relationships. You should be able to let the other person know how you are feeling. You might disagree or argue sometimes, but in healthy relationships you should be able to talk things out together to reach a compromise that works for both of you.

My friend gets mad if I hang out with other people, what should I do?

Be honest and stick to your decision. Tell your friend you like spending time with him or her but that you also want to spend time with other friends and family. Whether you are in a close friendship or a dating relationship, it is important for both of you to stay involved with the activities and interests you enjoyed before you became close. In a healthy relationship, you both need time to hang out with other friends as well as time for yourselves.

What are risky or unhealthy relationships?

In a risky or unhealthy relationship, you usually feel the exact opposite of how you feel when you're in a "healthy relationship." You and your friend do not usually feel good about each other and yourselves. Not all unhealthy relationships are abusive but sometimes they can include violence or abuse—verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual. This can involve both people being violent or abusive toward each other or can involve only one person doing this to the other. Many times, a relationship is not unhealthy in the very beginning, but over time abusive behavior might show. You may feel afraid or pressured to do something that you don't want to do. If you have a feeling that your relationship is unhealthy, you are probably right!

What are the signs that I am in an abusive or unhealthy relationship?

There are many signs that you could be in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. Take a look at this list of "warning signs" and see if these statements describe your relationship:

Your friend or the person you are going out with:

• is jealous or possessive of you—he or she gets angry when you talk or hang out with other friends or people of the opposite sex
  
• bosses you around, makes all the decisions, tells you what to do
  
• tells you what to wear, who to talk to, where you can go
• is violent to other people, gets in fights a lot, loses his/her temper a lot
• pressures you to have sex or to do something sexual that you don't want to do
• uses drugs and alcohol and tries to pressure you into doing the same thing
• swears at you or uses mean language
• blames you for his or her problems, tells you that it is your fault that he or she hurt you
• insults you or tries to embarrass you in front of other people
  
• has physically hurt you
• makes you feel scared of their reactions to things
• calls to check up on you all the time and wants to always know where you are going and who you are with

These are just a few of the signs that you may be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Sometimes there are only one or two "warning signs" and sometimes there are many. If any of these statements are true for your relationship, you should speak to a trusted adult such as a parent, teacher, doctor, nurse, or counselor right away!

What is abuse?

An abusive relationship may include any of the signs listed above. Some teens and adults think that their relationship isn't abusive unless there is physical fighting. But did you know that there are other types of abuse? Below is a list of different types of abuse which can affect your friendships or dating relationships:

• Physical Abuse - is when a person touches your body in an unwanted or violent way. This may include hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, pulling hair, pushing, biting, choking, or using a weapon on you. The weapon could be a gun or knife but also includes anything that can hurt you like a shoe or a stick.
  
• Verbal/Emotional Abuse - is when a person says something or does something that makes you afraid or feel bad about yourself. This may include: yelling, name-calling, saying mean things about your family and friends, embarrassing you on purpose, telling you what you can and can't do, or threatening to hurt you or hurt themselves. Blaming you for their problems, or verbally pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol, or keeping you from spending time with your friends and family are all abuse.
  
• Sexual Abuse - is any sexual contact that you do not want. You may have said no or may be unable to say no because the abuser has threatened you or prevented you from saying no. This may include forcing you to have sex or unwanted touching or kissing.

Why are some people violent?

There are many reasons why a person could be violent or abusive to their friend or person they are dating. For example, a person who has grown up in a violent family may have learned that violence like hitting or verbal control was the way to solve a problem (which it is not!). They may be violent because they want to control the relationship or because they feel bad about themselves and think they will feel better if they make someone else feel worse. Others may get pressured by their friends to prove how strong they are. Sometimes people have trouble controlling their anger.

Drugs and alcohol can also play a part in abusive behavior. There are some people who lose control and act abusively after they have been drinking or taking drugs. But this is no excuse! Just because someone is under the influence of drugs and alcohol or has a bad temper does not mean that their abusive behavior is okay.

• No matter why a person is violent physically, verbally/emotionally, or sexually, it is important for you to know that it is not your fault! You are NOT the reason for the violence. Violence is NEVER okay!

Why do some people stay in unhealthy or violent relationships?

If abusive or unhealthy relationships are so bad, then why do some people stay in them? Why don't they just stop spending time with their friend or break up with the person and stop seeing them? Sometimes it may be hard to get out of an abusive relationship. This is because violent relationships often go in cycles. After a person is violent, he or she may apologize and promise never to hurt you again, and even say that they will work on the relationship. It may be a while before that person acts violently again. These ups and downs can make it hard to leave a relationship.

It's hard to leave someone you care about. You may be scared or ashamed to admit that you are in an abusive relationship, or you may be simply scared to be alone without that person. You may be afraid that no one will believe you, or that your friend or partner will hurt you more if you tell someone. Whatever the reasons, leaving an unhealthy relationship is hard but something you must do. You will need help to do it.

Why should I leave?

Abusive relationships are very unhealthy for you. You can have trouble sleeping or have headaches or stomach aches. You might feel depressed, sad, anxious or nervous, and you may even lose or gain weight. You may also blame yourself, feel guilty, and have trouble trusting other people in your life. Staying in an abusive relationship can hurt your self-confidence and make it hard for you to believe in yourself. If you are being physically abused, you can be the victim of injuries that could cause permanent damage. You should definitely leave the relationship if you are getting hurt, if you have bruises or pain, or if you are being threatened with physical harm in any way.

Remember that the most important reason to leave an unhealthy relationship is because you deserve to be in a relationship that is healthy and fun.

How do I get out of an unhealthy or abusive relationship?

First, if you think that you are in an unhealthy relationship, you should talk to a parent, friend, counselor, doctor, teacher, coach or other trusted person about your relationship. Tell them why you think the relationship is unhealthy and exactly what the other person has done (hit, pressured you to have sex, tried to control you). You may want to look back at the list of "warning signs" to help you to explain the situation to an adult. If necessary, this trusted adult can help you contact your parents, counselors, school security, or even the police about the violence. With help, you can get out of an unhealthy relationship.

Sometimes, leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous so it is very important for you to make a Safety Plan. Leaving the relationship will be a lot easier and safer if you have a plan. Here are some tips on making Your Safety Plan:

• Tell a trusted adult like a parent, counselor, doctor, teacher or spiritual leader.
  
• Tell the person who is abusing you that you do not want to see him or her or break up with this person over the phone so they cannot touch you. Do this when your parents or guardians are at home so you know you will be safe in your house.
  
• Go to your doctor or hospital for treatment if you have been injured.
  
• Keep track of any violence. A diary is a good way to keep track of the date the violence happened, where you were, exactly what the person you are dating did, and exactly what effects it caused (bruises, for example). This will be important if you need the police to issue a restraining order against the person.
  
• Avoid contact with the person.
  
• Spend time with your other friends and walk with them and not by yourself.
• Think of safe places to go in case of an emergency like a police station or even a public place like a restaurant or mall.
• Carry a cell phone, phone card, or money for a call in case you need to call for help. Use code words. You should decide on the code words ahead of time with your family so that they will know that your signal means that you can't talk easily and you need help.
• Call 911 right away if you are ever afraid that the person is following you or is going to hurt you.
• Keep domestic violence hot-line numbers in your wallet or another secure place, or program them into your cell phone.

What do I do if a friend tells me that she is in an abusive relationship?

If your friend tells you that she is in an abusive relationship, listen very carefully to what she says. It is important that you listen without judging or blaming your friend. Tell your friend that you believe what she is saying and that you know that it is not her fault. Tell her that you are always there for her when she wants to talk about it. Remind her of all her friends and family who care about her and want her to be safe. Let her know that you are worried about her safety and that you want to help her to tell a parent or other trusted adult right away. Offer to go with her. Give her information on how to make a safety plan and give her phone numbers of counselors and domestic violence hotlines. You may even want to suggest that your friend take a self-defense class. Be sure not to take this on alone. Talk with a trusted adult such as a school counselor about how to help your friend.

Should I have my friend talk to her parents or another adult?

Yes! The most important thing that you can do for your friend is to encourage her to talk to an adult right away. This adult could be a parent, coach, teacher, school counselor, doctor, nurse, or spiritual leader. Tell your friend that you will go with her to see an adult about her abusive relationship. If your friend is nervous about going to talk to adult, here are some things you could remind her of:

• An adult will listen to her problem and give her advice on how to handle the situation.
  
• An adult can help to protect her if she feels that she is in danger.
  
• An adult can help her contact the right people, such as the police, her principal, or a counselor.

What if my friend won't listen to me and wants to keep the abuse a secret?

After you encourage your friend to talk to someone like a trusted adult about the abuse, you can tell an adult also. It is too much for you to handle alone. Even though you want to keep your friend's secret, it is important for you to tell a trusted adult especially if you are afraid that your friend could get hurt or if you are worried that she won't tell anyone. Your friend will need help even if she says that she can handle it alone.

Do not tell your friend to choose between the person that she is dating and you. This could make your friend feel that she can't talk to you if she decides to stay in the relationship. Don't spread your friend's secrets to others. Let her be the one to tell other friends that she trusts.

What else do I need to know?

Abuse is a problem that some people experience in their relationships. At least 1 in 10 teens experience physical violence in their relationships. Even if you have not experienced physical, sexual, or verbal and emotional abuse, one of your friends may be in an unhealthy relationship with another friend or dating partner. If you are in an unhealthy relationship or if your friend is, it is important that you get help right away before someone gets hurt! Relationships are an important part of life and are supposed to be fun and special!

Anger Management: A Guide for Teens

Do you know that keeping your anger in check is good for your health? People who manage their anger get sick less often, and feel better emotionally-for real! Anger is a natural emotion but sometimes anger can lead to behavior that is out of control. It may even feel like the anger is controlling you. Have you ever had this happen to you? If so, you're not alone. Many teens have trouble managing their anger. This guide was created to help you understand your anger, and offer you ways to help you control it.

Why do I have trouble controlling my anger?

There are many reasons why you may have trouble managing your anger. The reasons are different for everybody and may be a combination of different things. Perhaps you have witnessed violence at home, in your neighborhood or at school, which can make it even harder to know when your anger is out of control. It may be hard for you to control your anger because you haven't yet learned how to deal with the emotions you feel inside. Whatever the reason, the next step is moving forward to work on ways to understand what triggers your anger and how to stay in control.

Why should I control my anger?

Even at a young age, having difficulty controlling your anger makes your body more likely to have physical problems that can occur now or later. This happens because your mind and your body are connected! These feelings can actually put stress on your body which can lead to medical problems such as:

• Heart disease
• High blood pressure
• Chronic lower back pain
• Stomach problems

Having problems with managing your anger can also increase your risk for developing mental health concerns such as:

• Depression
• Eating problems
• Substance abuse
• Drug, alcohol or other addictions
• Suicidal thoughts

Teenagers who have trouble managing their anger often have fewer friends, behave in more negative ways, and receive lower grades in school. Haven't had any of these issues yet? You are lucky. Don't wait! The time is right for you to learn how to control your anger and prevent problems in the future.

How can I tell if I'm getting too angry?

Your body has a few ways of letting you know when you are getting too angry. Some common feelings may include:

• Your heart races - it beats very fast and may even feel like it's pounding in your chest
• You breathe faster - it may feel like you can't catch your breath
• Your muscles tighten - your body feels stiff
• Your body temperature increases - you feel hot and may sweat a lot

Are there some situations that make you feel particularly angry?

Think about the last few times you became really angry. You may realize there's a pattern. By becoming more aware of what upsets you, and how you feel when you are angry, you can take control of it before it takes control of you!

Keep in mind that your thoughts, feelings and behaviors are all connected. Your thoughts affect your feelings, which then affect your behaviors. Your behavior can also affect your thoughts, which can affect how you feel.
Since they are all related, making one change—to thoughts, feeling or behaviors—will make a big difference!

What are some ways I can learn to control my temper?

The best way to control your temper depends on you! There is no quick fix. Every person needs to take time to think about what works for him or her. Here are some helpful ideas:

• Improve your problem solving skills. When faced with a difficult situation or conflict, learn as much as you can about it and think about what happened. This will prevent you from making quick judgments that may be wrong. Remember, there are many ways to look at the same situation.
• Take responsibility for your actions. You can actually decide on how you will behave in certain situations ahead of time.
• Think about the consequence of your behavior. Realize that how you behave affects those you love and others around you.
• Pay attention to what upsets you. When you can figure out what triggers angry feelings, you can make decisions that will help you stay in better control.
• Pay attention to how your body feels when you are angry. When you notice your body beginning to change, it's time to take control.

You may feel anxious when you first try to take control of your temper. This is normal! Take time beforehand to plan ways to handle these feelings. The earlier you notice yourself becoming angry the more chance you have to stop your anger from getting out of control.

Is there anything I can do to relax when I'm feeling so angry?

Yes! Every one of us can find effective ways to calm down. Relaxation techniques work by helping calm us. When we are calm, our bodies relax, and physical problems brought on by anger such as a headache, usually disappear. Try the following techniques to help you relax .

• Take slow deep breaths. Breathe in and slowly breathe out - This works especially well when you feel like your breathing is speeding up.
• Repeat a calming word or sentence to yourself such as "I am in control of my feelings."
• Tighten your muscles then relax them. Notice the difference.
• Close your eyes and think about a person, place or thing, that makes you feel calm.

What if my anger feels out of control?

Take quick action! If your angry feelings begin to take control over you it is important to do something to keep yourself and others around you safe. Here are some helpful tips:

• Leave the scene - Take yourself away from the person and/or place where you became angry. A change of scenery can help you "cool off" your angry feelings.
• Walk away instead of driving away - Walking is a great way to get your anger out. Avoid driving to prevent yourself from putting yourself and others in danger.
• Chose safe ways to deal with anger - Take deep breaths, repeat a calming word, relax your muscles, imagine a calm place to decrease your anger. Do not drink, use violence or pick up a weapon.
• If you feel you are a danger to yourself or others, call 911 or go to the closest emergency room. If you are having thoughts of wanting to hurt yourself or hurt other people, it is important to get help immediately!

What do I do with all the anger inside?

Find a safe way to express it! There are many safe ways to express your anger. Here are a few ideas:

• Talk to someone you trust ­ Call or meet with a person you feel comfortable with and is a good listener.
• Exercise - Get that anger out by taking a long walk (in a safe part of town), work out at the gym or play a sport. Exercise stimulates the release of a chemical in the brain called "endorphins" that make us feel happy.
• Write in a journal - Let your feelings out by writing about them in a journal or create poetry or song lyrics. You can use your journal to write a letter to someone you are really mad at. You can read it again later, edit it, and send it, if you are still upset.
• Listen to or play music ­ Music has a way of calming the soul whether it is listening to your IPod, singing along with the car radio (even if you sing off key), or playing an instrument.
• Draw, paint or do other creative art projects - For some people, being creative is an outlet for their anger and helps them manage their feelings.
• Rest - Anger often takes our energy away and makes us feel exhausted. It's fine to take a break, nap, or go to bed early. Sleep helps us focus so we can deal with our feelings better.

Controlling your temper is hard at first! When you slip up, give yourself a break but take responsibility for how you acted and how it affected other people. A useful way to do this is to apologize. "I'm sorry" is a powerful phrase that can help do damage control!

Stress and How to Lower It: A Health Guide for Teens

You know when you’re stressed out – your body feels bad and your thoughts are spinning. But it can also help to know why your body reacts that way, and what can you do about it. Our bodies are designed to handle calm situations, and also exciting or dangerous ones. When you’re in the middle of something scary or challenging, your body gets into a mode that’s better for handling the situation. This is a state of high energy and sharp senses, like the way you feel when you’re playing a fun sport or doing really well on a test. But when the situation turns into more than you can handle, that’s when you start to feel stress. It’s as if your body is shouting "Do something!" and your brain is shouting back "I don’t know what to do!"

What is stress?

When you’re stressed, you feel changes in your body and your mind. Your heart beats faster, your blood pressure goes up, and your face may get flushed. Your muscles might tighten up, or you may feel anxious. You may feel rushed and confused, or forget things. You may feel sick to your stomach. You might be crabby, and get into arguments with your family and friends.

What causes stress in our lives?

We live in an interesting, but also hectic and challenging world. Teens can have lots of sources of stress, including:

• Lots of homework and projects at school
• Family tension as you try to be more independent from your parents
• Pressure from friends to do risky things
• Tension with your boyfriend or girlfriend
• Difficult people in your life
• Upsetting news about disasters, war, or personal tragedy
• Media messages that lower your self-esteem
• Not getting enough sleep

What are the effects of stress?

A certain amount of stress is OK, if it helps you have the energy to deal with a short term problem. For example, if you’re stressed about writing a paper for school, and your stress causes you to ask your teacher for advice, and you finish the paper, then your stress has done its job.

In the short term, stress can:

• Help you focus on a situation or solve a problem
• Tire you out
• Make you nervous or irritable

If, on the other hand, you’re experiencing a lot of stress day after day, your body may start sending you some warning signs that something’s really wrong. This kind of chronic stress can take a toll physically and mentally.
Long term stress can contribute to such health problems as:

• Substance abuse
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Insomnia
• Self-Injury
• Obesity
• Digestive problems
• Lower immunity to colds and other illnesses

These chronic problems are really your body’s way of telling you "Hey! I’m under way to much stress over here – something’s got to give!"

If you find yourself getting noticeably stressed every day, you should take some steps to (1) lessen the number of stressors in your life, and (2) treat your body and mind to some stress-reduction techniques.

How can I lower my stress level?

Here are some ideas for different activities you can do to lower your stress. Just pick a couple that look interesting to you, and try them out. If these ideas help you de-stress, you can include them in your daily or weekly routine. If not, you can try others on the list, or come up with a list of your own. Talk to your parents or another trusted adult about how they de-stress. They might have some good ideas you can try out.

Helpful Hint: Make a list of your favorite stress-reduction activities, and tape it where you'll see it often, like the fridge or your notebook or computer screen. When you're over-stressed, stop what you're doing, pick one thing off the list, and do it!

Stress Reduction Activities

• Simplify your life. You may feel like you’re not in control of everything that’s expected of you. But really it’s up to you to decide what you can do, and what you cannot do. Sit down, and make a list of everything you feel you should do. Now separate all the items on the list into three sections like this:
  
  

  These can wait	These are pressing	Do these TODAY

  
  If you see that there’s just too much to do TODAY, you’ll have to cut down on some activities to make your schedule more manageable.
• Exercise is a great way to lower your stress. During exercise, you can focus on what you’re doing with your body, which helps free your mind from other worries. Vigorous exercise also triggers the release of chemicals in your body called endorphins, which make you feel happier and more relaxed. You don’t have to be a super-athlete to exercise. Even something as basic as walking for half an hour can help you relax and improve your mood. Or you can sign up for a class at your local YWCA or YMCA – choose something fun and friendly, like dancing, volleyball, or swimming.
• Yoga, Tai Chi, & Qigong. These types of movement from India and China use stretches and poses for flexibility, strength, concentration, and relaxation. Yoga emphasizes flexibility and strength, while Tai Chi and Qigong help with concentration, balance, and patience. You can do any of these exercises in a class at your local YWCA, YMCA, or dance center, or at home on a towel or mat. If you’re shy about taking a class, you can check a video out of the library and try the movements at home.
• Take a Break. Sometimes your tired brain is just craving a little time off from your busy day. Stop what you’re doing, and find a quiet spot where you can put your feet up. Drink some tea (without caffeine!), or take a bath. Read a book or magazine, or even watch TV, if it’s a non-stressful show. These things sounds so basic, you might think, “why bother?” But when your feet are up, your stress level drops.
• Meditation and Prayer offer you ways to calm and focus your thoughts and feel more positive. There are many styles of meditation which have grown out of spiritual practices around the world. Meditation includes sitting still in a quiet place, focusing your thoughts on your breath or on a slow chant, and trying to be aware of what is going on in the present moment, instead of stressing about the past or freaking out about the future. With prayer you focus on feeling connected to a higher spiritual power, and on wishes and hopes you may have for yourself or people you care about. Get in touch with your local church, temple, Yoga center, or Buddhist center about a prayer or meditation group. If you’re shy about attending a group, you can check videos out from the library about different meditation and prayer techniques.
• Massage can work wonders on a stressed-out body. A gentle massage can untie knotted muscles, and make you feel relaxed all over. A professional massage can be expensive, but even a simple foot-rub or shoulder-rub from a good friend can take the edge off your stress.
• Journaling. If you enjoy writing, this can be a good way to de-stress. Write down what’s been happening with you on a daily basis. If you’re facing a scary situation, imagine the best-case and worst-case scenarios. Write about the worst thing that could happen if everything goes wrong. Then write about the wonderful things that would happen if everything goes right. By letting your mind explore all the possibilities you’ll feel less stressed. Another thing you can do in your journal is write a letter to someone you’re really mad at. Later on you can edit it and actually mail it, but sometimes it helps just to write it down.
• Have a good cry. You may know that little kids get upset easily, cry and make a fuss, then get over it pretty quickly. This approach can work for you too. At the end of a particularly hard day, if you find yourself crying to a supportive friend, family member, or to your pillow, this can help you de-stress. In our culture we often try to convince people not to cry, as if it were a sign of weakness, but it really is no such thing. If your crying helps you communicate your frustration, vent your stress, and get some support, than there’s nothing wrong with a good cry every now and then.
• Sleep. Even just a few nights in a row of not-enough-sleep can make you feel crabby and nervous. And teens in our culture are notoriously sleep-deprived on a daily basis. You actually need more sleep at this time in your life – about 9 hours per night – than you will as an adult. Although your school schedule and social life make it difficult, try to put sleep at the top of your priority list, right up there with eating good food and watching your favorite TV shows. If you can squeeze in an additional hour or two of sleep per night, you’ll feel a lot better, and your overall stress level will drop.

Special Note: a really harmful way to try to de-stress is with street drugs, alcohol, or binge eating. These may seem to make you feel better in the very short term, by numbing your senses, or making you silly or forgetful. But they have destructive effects on your life and your health in so many other ways, that they are not worth the temporary quick fix they may seem to provide. If you find yourself turning repeatedly to these harmful activities, it’s time to seek counseling to help you deal more positively with your stress and with your substance abuse.

What should I do if I’m dealing with extreme stress?

Sometimes the stressors in a person’s life become very serious. Some examples of an extreme stressor are: being in a serious accident; being the victim of a crime or of sexual abuse; experiencing violence in your family life, including daily fighting, yelling, and hitting. These serious stressors can have lasting effects on the way your body and mind handle stress, and this can set you up for mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Here are some resources for coping with more extreme stress:

• Parents or other Trusted Adults. If you feel that your stress is more than you can manage on our own, you should definitely seek help. Have an in-depth talk with one of your parents, or another trusted adult in your life. Be has honest as you can about the stress you’re dealing with, and the effect it’s having on you. Confiding in a caring adult can help you feel less alone, and that person can help you find ways to manage your stress.
• Counseling & Medication. In addition to help from family members, counseling can be a great resource. It involves meeting with a professionally-trained person, a therapist, doctor, nurse or religious leader. This person can help you figure out the cause of your stress, how to minimize it, and how to learn techniques for handling stress better in the future. Sometimes your healthcare provider will prescribe medication to help you manage your stress symptoms, as they work with you to re-structure your life so that it’s less stressful.

Throughout your life it’s important to notice and respect the signals coming from your body and your mind. If you realize that you’re getting stressed out, keep in mind that you can do something about it. Stress-reduction activities can really help you keep your stress at a manageable, low level. And if you start to develop good stress-reduction habits now, you’ll be able to use them in the future.

New Breast Health Rules Leave Out Lesbians

Now that new government guidelines are out on how to best care for your breasts, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender women are left with a lot of questions.

 For years medical professionals have advised women over the age of 40 to get annual breast exams as a way to detect cancerous tumors. However, the new guidelines from the U.S. Preventive Service Task Force, which shun breast self-exams and suggest only women between the ages of 50 and 74 get mammograms every other year, are startling to some, while others welcome the recommendations.

A majority of women, regardless of sexual orientation, are used to going to their doctors primarily for reproductive or breast health care, says Amber Hollibaugh, the chief officer of elder and LBTI women's services at the Lesbian Community Care Project of the Howard Brown Health Center in Chicago.

"As flawed as the system is, that's how women are taught," she told Advocate.com Tuesday. "When you go to a doctor, you're usually prompted to go by your reproductive health or breast cancer concerns. So the irony is that most women access all their health care using those two funnels. They come in and they say, 'I need a mammography. Oh, yeah, and I also ate a doughnut yesterday and passed out.' So then the doctor says, 'Well, I should go in and check you for diabetes.'"

The already low percentage of LBTI women going into medical facilities for reproductive and breast health issues could diminish even further with the task force's recommendations.

"If you're worried about cancer as a woman, but you have gender issues, like being a butch lesbian who doesn't want to do mammography, you're going to hesitate to access care in traditionally the only way that women typically get it," Hollibaugh said.

While the task force does suggest that the number of mammograms a woman receives should be established on a case-by-case basis, the overall recommendation would reduce the number of tests for the average woman, especially those under 50.

Officials with Susan G. Komen for the Cure, a top breast cancer advocacy organization, issued a statement Monday sayiing the previous guidelines should remain as a precaution.

"Mammography is not perfect, but is still our best tool for early detection and successful treatment of this disease," they said. They also pointed out that nearly a third of American women do not undergo regular testing.

Janelle Hail, the founder and CEO of the National Breast Cancer Foundation, called the task force's suggestion to stop conducting self-exams to be "dangerous."

"At 34 years old, I felt a lump while performing a breast self-exam," she said on her blog. "Concerned, I got a mammogram that detected breast cancer. If I had not had a breast self-exam and a mammogram, I would not be alive today and the National Breast Cancer Foundation would not exist."

The American Cancer Society also recommends regular screening after a woman turns 40, based on other research that was not considered by the Preventive Service Task Force.

"The most recent data show us that approximately 17% of breast cancer deaths occurred in women who were diagnosed in their 40s, and 22% occurred in women diagnosed in their 50s. Breast cancer is a serious health problem facing adult women, and mammography is part of our solution beginning at age 40 for average risk women," society officials said in a statement.

The organization Breast Cancer Action, however, has long held the position that premenopausal screenings are unnecessary, due to false-negative results, false-positive results, and exposure to radiation from the actual mammograms.
Fran Visco, president of the National Breast Cancer Coalition also welcomed the recommendation, adding that she hopes the release of the information puts "screening and its limitations into proper perspective." She also urged health-care policy makers to carefully analyze the basis of the revised recommendations: "Women have been given different messages for years, but unfortunately those messages were not based on strong evidence. Women deserve the truth even when it is complicated. They can accept it.”