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Showing posts with label LESBIAN RELATIONSHIPS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LESBIAN RELATIONSHIPS. Show all posts

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Study: Children of Lesbians May Do Better Than Their Peers

The teen years are never the easiest for any family to navigate. But could they be even more challenging for children and parents in households headed by gay parents?
That is the question researchers explored in the first study ever to track children raised by lesbian parents, from birth to adolescence. Although previous studies have indicated that children with same-sex parents show no significant differences compared with children in heterosexual homes when it comes to social development and adjustment, many of those investigations involved children who were born to women in heterosexual marriages, who later divorced and came out as lesbians

 

For their new study, published on Monday in the journal Pediatrics, researchers Nanette Gartrell, a professor of psychiatry at the University of California at San Francisco (and a law professor at the University of California, Los Angeles), and Henry Bos, a behavioral scientist at the University of Amsterdam, focused on what they call planned lesbian families — households in which the mothers identified themselves as lesbian at the time of artificial insemination.
Data on such families are sparse, but they are important for establishing whether a child's environment in a home with same-sex parents would be any more or less nurturing than one with a heterosexual couple.


The authors found that children raised by lesbian mothers — whether the mother was partnered or single — scored very similarly to children raised by heterosexual parents on measures of development and social behavior. These findings were expected, the authors said; however, they were surprised to discover that children in lesbian homes scored higher than kids in straight families on some psychological measures of self-esteem and confidence, did better academically and were less likely to have behavioral problems, such as rule-breaking and aggression.
"We simply expected to find no difference in psychological adjustment between adolescents reared in lesbian families and the normative sample of age-matched controls," says Gartrell. "I was surprised to find that on some measures we found higher levels of [psychological] competency and lower levels of behavioral problems. It wasn't something I anticipated."
In addition, children in same-sex-parent families whose mothers ended up separating did as well as children in lesbian families in which the moms stayed together.
The data that Gartrell and Bos analyzed came from the U.S. National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study (NLLFS), begun in 1986. The authors included 154 women in 84 families who underwent artificial insemination to start a family; the parents agreed to answer questions about their children's social skills, academic performance and behavior at five follow-up times over the 17-year study period. Children in the families were interviewed by researchers at age 10 and were then asked at age 17 to complete an online questionnaire, which included queries about the teens' activities, social lives, feelings of anxiety or depression, and behavior.
Not surprisingly, the researchers found that 41% of children reported having endured some teasing, ostracism or discrimination related to their being raised by same-sex parents. But Gartrell and Bos could find no differences on psychological adjustment tests between the children and those in a group of matched controls. At age 10, children reporting discrimination did exhibit more signs of psychological stress than their peers, but by age 17, the feelings had dissipated. "Obviously there are some factors that may include family support and changes in education about appreciation for diversity that may be helping young people to come to a better place despite these experiences," says Gartrell.
It's not clear exactly why children of lesbian mothers tend to do better than those in heterosexual families on certain measures. But after studying gay and lesbian families for 24 years, Gartrell has some theories. "They are very involved in their children's lives," she says of the lesbian parents. "And that is a great recipe for healthy outcomes for children. Being present, having good communication, being there in their schools, finding out what is going on in their schools and various aspects of the children's lives is very, very important."
Although active involvement isn't unique to lesbian households, Gartrell notes that same-sex mothers tend to make that kind of parenting more of a priority. Because their children are more likely to experience discrimination and stigmatization as a result of their family circumstances, these mothers can be more likely to broach complicated topics, such as sexuality and diversity and tolerance, with their children early on. Having such a foundation may help to give these children more confidence and maturity in dealing with social differences and prejudices as they get older.
Because the research is ongoing, Gartrell hopes to test some of these theories with additional studies. She is also hoping to collect more data on gay-father households; gay fatherhood is less common than lesbian motherhood because of the high costs of surrogacy or adoption that gay couples face in order to start a family.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

How Far Into Your Gay or Lesbian Relationship Should You Discuss Your Future Life Together?

Falling in love can be one of the most wonderful feelings. However, falling in love with someone who does not want the same things in their future as you do in yours can be devastating. If you want children and they don't, would you be happy living for years without children, or would you grow to resent the fact that you never experienced the joys of parenting? If you don't want children and your partner does, can you honestly say you'd be comfortable denying them such happiness when they aren't denying yours? 

There are other things that should be discussed, such as monogamy and where you both see yourself in the future (i.e. business oriented or still partying the way you used to when in your college/teen years). A seriously motivated individual will not be satisfied with a partner that is a slacker, even if they have other overly-appealing attributes. 

Regardless, the future should be discussed at some point in your relationship. Until it is discussed, you should still discuss yourselves and your own personal interests. If you believe you have a lot in common, or even if you don't have that much in common at all (but still seem to work well together), then you should definitely move on to discussing your future goals.

For some, discussing the future might be a top priority. If things are going okay then you can discuss the future in a more casual 'me' manner, such as "what I want for the future" as opposed to "where I see myself with you in the future". (However, the 'we two' aspect should definitely be discussed after you've been dating for some time.) If you two don't mesh on future idealisms the date may sour, but at least you aren't wasting your time with someone that doesn't have the same future goals as you do.  

Depending on how fast the dating progresses you may want to talk to your 'potential' partner about future plans 'together' - anywhere from two months to six months into the relationship. Some relationships move more rapidly, but you shouldn't try to push it too fast or find yourself at the 'love-and-devotion' part within just one month - even if you do feel they are perfect in nearly every way

   Discussing the future in a 'general' way should prepare you for discussing the future in a 'serious-together-forever' way. You should expect to already know whether he or she wants kids, or not, or whether they're looking to eventually settle down with one person. If nothing else, you should be able to work out a compromise. However, do not kid yourself... if it is meant to work it will, if not it won't. There is nothing you can do to make it work if it isn't meant to be! You shouldn't feel like you have to lie to them (or to yourself) just to 'settle down' and 'be in a relationship' if you aren't going to be happy overall. 

 Within the first three dates you should mention the future in a generic kind of way. You should discuss how you want to live your life, and what your hopes and dreams are for your future. These are important things they need to know about you. It can take a second to fall in love, but forever to fall out of love. Staying in love takes hard work and you need to really 'click' to make it work. or find yourself forever heartbroken over the loss of this love. So, if you think you could love them, and they're definitely your image of your ideal partner, don't be shy about learning each other's future goals and dreams - and hopes

  So, go out on a limb here and bring up the future! They may be wondering what your interests are, too, and will probably want to discuss their future 'ideas' with you, as well. It can be awkward to approach the future - especially if you've just met - but with the right method you can make the entire experience go smoothly and in a non-threatening way for the both of you.


Try using these methods:

  • Mention you love spending time with your nieces & nephews. You love children and want to have some of your own one day
  • Talk about your job. Discuss your goals based on where you are. If you aren't happy with your job then discuss where you wish you could be
  •  If you're in college discuss your career plans. Show your enthusiasm for your chosen profession. If they seem interested maybe throw in your credentials casually so they can see how motivated you are
  • If you like to party and want a partner that parties all the time bring up some of your best clubbing stories. If they are into the scene, too, then they'll most likely laugh and throw in some of their own stories
  • Talk about travel. Would you ever want to live in another area? If so bring it up - and, better yet, what do they think of this area? 
  • Depending on whether he or she is monogamous, or polygamous, talk about your "friend" who was crushed when they found out their partner wanted a polygamous relationship. Express your views on the subject in relation to your friend's situation as opposed to asking your partner his or her views specifically 


TRUE LESBIANS...